Shampoo
by iNatix
Summary: Roy with barbies! Scar with kittens! Ed with pizza! Come one, come all to see the wonderful crack!


So on this poll I have on my profile, I have a question asking what I should write next. I have all of these serious ones down, but two of the top choices are "Random Crack Fic" and "Something to do with Shampoo" (I have no clue where that came from…). Really, you guys rock. Those two are ones that I wanted to do so bad. By the way, I think this format will work best for the story, so don't yell at me.

This contains pure crack. Derailing of all for character , no apologies. It adds to the crack. All bad grammar is also on purpose!

O.O.O.O.O

**Roy: **Lalala, I'm cleaning my hair. Lalala~

**Riza:**Sir, you do realize that you're standing in the middle of the office and there's no water, right?

**Roy: **Der! I'm not stupid. I have a date with a camel next week and I want to look beautiful!~

**Ed: **(slams door in) Colonel Horsey, I have the pizza you ordered!

**Roy: **About time! Everyone, pizza's here! Come on out now!

All the subordinates plus Hughes and Envy came out of their favored desks, floorboards, ceiling tiles, and drawers.

**All: **Dance party!

Falman started breakdancing at that moment, though no one was surprised oddly enough.

**Ed: **Why is there a palm tree here? They're not indigenous to this area.

**Roy: **She's just this super-hot chick I saw standing next to some random person's dead body. Same old, same old.

**Ed**: Awesome! So will you take these pizzas now?

**Roy**: Like, totally! What kinda, like, toppings did you, like, put on them?

**Ed**: Cheese, pepperoni, ham, pineapple, bacon, salmon, peppers, corn, 5% grape juice, glass, and albatross eyes!

**Roy**: Yay me!

He clapped his hands three times and ripped the pizza out of Ed's hands. It immediately began to sway.

**Riza**: Sir, do you need help?

Flamey dropped the pizza on top of Breda's stomach and began to cry.

**Roy**: No! Why does everyone keep asking me that?

**Envy**: There, there, pyro. How about you go play with your barbies instead?

**Roy**: Okay…

**Breda**: Can I play too?

**Fuery**: No, you'll scare all the fun away with your face. You only have twenty two fanfictions about you as a main character. I have sixty three. Go help Havoc with his depression instead.

**Havoc**: *sobbing in a corner*And then he took my candy bar and ate it, saying he wanted it! Dumb Fuhrer…

**Ed**: Hey, Colonel Pony, why is your hair all shampooey?

**PyRoy**: Well, I researched a postcard and found that one in every four people is crazy. I checked three friends. They were fine, so that must mean I'm insane!

**Ed**: OMG! Like, awsum! I, like, am TOTALLY going 2 do tht!

**Bradley**: *Falls off ceiling* Who here wants a free flash drive?

**Roy**: What the (MOO!) is a flash drive?

**Bradley**: Well my dear flamethrower, it is a mystical device from Xing that will store all your fanfictions in one place.

**Ed**: What the (QUACK!) is a fanfiction?

**Bradley**: Horrible stories that take epic characters and warp them into something beyond oblivion.

**Roy**: Who wants to go to Briggs and ding dong ditch!

**All**: We do!

**Scar**: Boom! *Slams in door*Who wants a free kitten that I found in a cooking pot at a blond smoker's house!

**Palm tree**: I do! I can add it to my collection of all things cute and fuzzy!

**Roy**: Aww, you're so cute *Insert giggle here*

**Palm tree**: Dude, I'm a dude! I think…

**Ed**: Blasphemy!

**Al**: *transports in* I want a kitty!

**Scab**: Here ya go, tin can! *chucks kitty*

**Hughes **(who has been sucking on a lollipop, forgotten by the author**)**: Ahh! Flying kittens! Oh amazing power of the Force, stop it!

*cricket, cricket*

**Hughes**: …Well that sucked.

**Al**: *catches kitty* Yes! Another one! Soon I will have my own kitty empire and be able to take over the whole world!

**Ed**: Whoa, Al! That's awesome! I didn't know you had the brain capacity to think of a plan that complicated!

**Al**: You suck, Brother! *punches*

**Roy**: Don't worry, Halfmetal! The awesome me shall defeat this evil scoundrel for you!(1) *chucks something*

**Pigeoneye**: Er, Colonel? All you did is chuck a pizza at him…

**Breda**: NOOO! The pizza! It was so young!

**Palm tree**: Shut up, or I'll stab you.

**Bradley**: Well, it seems that no one cares that the president of the country and all-powerful Homunculus is here. See ya everyone! I'm gonna go release a psychopathic, homicidal bomb guy from jail!

**Kimblee **(very far away): Achoo!

**Scar**: I'm bored. Who wants to play monopoly?

**All**: We do!~

But then a bomb went off and they all died. The end.

O.O.O.O.O

(1) The first person to get the reference (Its not too hard if you've seen a lot of shows) will get a crack fic of their choice written

Never write while eating a pixi stick


End file.
